Day to Day today

Long time no write.

2009-06-06T18:17:00.000-07:00

I have such trouble being consistent ... I wonder if it is because of my "disorder" ?
Anyways,I have been good about taking my medicine...yet my drinking has become worse.It was great for a bit,then I kind of have been going down hill as far as the drinking goes..I remind myself all the time how great it is to be sober,hopefully this bout wont last long...I feel like shit...I am going to drink tonight.
I am going to Oklahoma in 6 days to be with my family and friends and I cannot wait! I love my home....The only problem is with me wanting to quit drinking and everyone there is ready to "party" with me,and I somehow feel as if I have to,like its my responsibility..ugh.
I finally met someone new! I made a friend..Woot woot!
I'm fixing to start shots of vodka...Yeah yay eee!
Oh yeah, I made a new friend...She has 3 girls, and is married and its so weird how much we are alike,our lives are so similar,its awesome... I am so glad I finally met someone I needed to get out and change my lifestyle a little.
I am writing back and forth to my sons fathers wife,thats definetly something I am working on is my relationship with her today,and it seems to be going good...we have both pretty much agreed that we said some wrong shit to each other...I just hope Im not taking 2 steps forward to make 2 steps back again.Its hard to continually do that which I do.Its like a slap in the face you know...
No one realizes how bad my life has been...I don't realize it half the time,I have to remember I've HAD the shit beat out of me Ive HAD my child stolen,I HAD a bad life....People dont realize it.
I dont know what else to say,I think I am done for now..hopefully I can update again soon.

Family Matters

2009-05-31T07:45:00.000-07:00

So, I am just in an angry/upset mood today.
I am so sick of my husbands family (Mom,step-dad,and Brother mainly) that I count the days until I go to Oklahoma for the summer... How sad is it that I am willing to leave my husband that long because of them..And anyone who knows us knows how close we are.
I am ready to be around my family and friends..I mean,these mother fucker have no clue how to act...HIs brother is the biggest damned liar I have ever met in my life,his mom is one of those "Your lifes bad but mines always worse" and his Step-dad? Fucking dick.Plain and simple.I have cussed them all out on more than one occasion and they just dont get it,they still defend themselves and act like they are normal.lmao.If only...

My meds have been working great! I feel great!

I cannot wait to be around my family and friends for 3 months! Hell yeah! People with common sense,fuck yeah! And I will have a babysitter at least a couple times!!! I can't remember the last time I got to go out! And with my family/friends,how awesome...I can't wait.

Our 7 year old will be 8 Tuesday.....Holy crap!
June 5th I hadn't seen my son in a year! Holy shit...
His father ran off with him.
Me and my husband have been together for almost 11 years,married for 1...Holy crap!
I'll be 26 in July...HOLY SHIT! I am really not tall enough to be 26...really.I'm 5'3.

I was talking to my ex-mother in law lastnight and she was telling me about how she flipped her car not to long ago and she had experienced ghosts or what-not and how none of the windows in her vehicle were broke but the car was totally smashed...and there was a ceramic cross and a bence with 2 angel on the side that didn't break and I got the willie nillies...I don't even believe in that shit.

I am afraid my husband is going to drink himself to death while I'm gone...Seriously.

My girls are assholes...all they do is fight and make tons of noise while their dad is sleeping...I wish he worked normal hours...

Well I think I am done for now.
Thanks for reading,it means alot to me.

My first entry

2009-05-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

This would be my first entry to my new,and actually only blog...hoorah!

I met someone on Twitter the last couple of days that has inspired me to start blogging...Thanks MentalStrawberry...So glad you found me :)

Well first off you'll see me and my family (minus one) to the left during Christmas lastyear...

I wan to explain why exactly I am making this blog first off and then I will continue with the whole crap that I am going through today,then day by day.

MentalStrawberry has BiPolar disorder and found me by a tweet I had made about my medication I just recently started taking...She blogs and I absoulutly love her blogs and it seems like it will probably help me to do the same seems how I also have BiPolar disorder with severe anxiety.So thats that and this is this:

I have been on an anti-depressant called Celexa for some months now and for awhile I was taking Lithium as well....Well to say the least Lithium made me numb to everything...I didn't cry for months and is not me,considering my life circumstances...I have reasons to cry and just didn't...Its a weird feeling...wait...or not feeling?

Anyways...I finally made myself get up and go back to my psychiatrist and told him that I refuse to take Lithium any longer..so he took me off and told me to call him in 2 weeks and let him know how I was doing...It took me a month at the least to call and I was having severe anxiety,although not having attacks I get to where I can't breath and what not and that in itself sucks. So I let him know and he put me on something called Abilify which I have now been on for 3 days and so far,I am great! Bought some girly wine coolers lastnight,cooked out and raked the yard...I WENT OUTSIDE! WOOT!

Another thing is that I haven't really been down with drinking this weekend...which anyone who knows me knows thats just not me (neither are the girly drinks eh?) so thats is really nice I must say.

So today has been a great day,I have every intention of cleaning up inside and this evening going outside with the girls,having a wine cooler and watch them ride their bikes and pop their little firecrackers...I just really hope it doesn't fall through...I have a problem pushing myself to hard and then things seem to fall through and I end up not doing it...So I am just going to say as long as I get one of those things done,I am ok and life is ok.

So thats that and I am going to try to write in the blog on a normal basis...I hope is wasn't to horribly written ;)

Thanks for reading my first blog!!!